picture of a sleeping angel.
"Ah, Shizuka-chan!" Kiyoshi called after me in the hallway. I held my books closer to me and ducked. I could feel peoples stares and hear their whispers. Aya furiously poked me in the side.
"Kiyoshi-sama is talking to you," she giggled. Her curls bounced as she looked over in his direction. "He's so cute, right?"
I looked down at the floor. "Yeah," I mumbled. Kiyoshi was very cute. No, he was beautifully handsome. Sometimes I wondered why someone like him was friends with someone like me. I was plain. Average features, no curves...
Out of habit, I looked at him through my bangs. "Ehh?!" My head snapped up. The motion caused me to be unbalanced; I took a step backwards and almost pointed at his face. He had dyed his once gorgeous black hair a fair white blonde. I couldn't help but stare. His hair seemed to blend with his skin. For the first time, I noticed he had an earring. His smile looked more youthful than ever. Somehow, Kiyoshi looked boyish.
"You don't like it?" His eyebrows curved upwards. They were dyed as well. His lips formed into a pout.
I shook my head. "I like it," I blushed. He looked even more like an angel.
The only class where all three of us had together was English. Even Yukihiro was in my English class. I was horrible at English though. Kiyoshi's presence always distracted me. Everyday, I would spend the class staring at the back of his head, noting how every strand of his hair curled and waved across his head. Those were the times when I wished I could take a picture... or maybe ten.
"Alright, turn to chapter thirteen and read it. I'll ask someone to read out loud after," Yamashiro-sensei announced at the front of the class. He taught this class, and was exceptionally good at English. The rumor is that he went to live in California for three years with an American woman who was supposedly his lover. I flipped through the pages and scribbled at the bottom corner. If she was American, she must have been extremely beautiful. I had to ask him about it sometime.
"Tamaki-chan, please read for us," Yamashiro interrupted my thoughts. He stood up at the front, book in hand, a knowing look in his eyes. He knew when I wasn't fully paying attention. My eyes must have been unfocused on the page, distant like whenever I held a camera in my hand. Sensei reads me too well.
"Y-yes, sensei," I mumbled, shakily getting up from the desk. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. A chill swept through me. Squinting, I looked at the page. The foreign words blurred together. "I-I withdrew the cigarette from my lips, blowing out a warm..."
I continued on, feeling a dull throb of pain in my head. The words became even blurrier. "... A warm c-cloud of smoke..." With every pang, the pain spread through my brain, consuming every bit of grey matter in it's path. My hands and legs went numb, and I dropped the textbook to the ground. Black swirls faded in and out of my vision until the ground came rushing up to my face.
My fingers trembled as I pulled out my wallet from my bag. I looked down at the faded photograph of the youthful face staring back at me. The numbness took over my hand, and the wallet fell and onto the white hospital blanket.
My physician, Fuji-sensei, walked in the white hospital room, carrying the usual black binder of my medical files. She was always smiling, no matter what happened. I could have broken my knee and she would still have a smile on her face. But today, there was no smile. Her small wrinkled face looked troubled, eyes tired, and a frown clutching at the sag of her skin.
"Shizuka-chan, what are we going to do with you?" she sighed and put the thick binder onto the bedside table. The binder threatened to burst open with all the papers encased inside of it. My medical history was extensive. Some papers were even dated a couple of months before I was born.
"You should have told us that you ran out of medicine. We could have given you some right away." Fuji looked at me with an expression I had never seen on her face before. Disappointment.
Words hung at the base of my throat, but my muscles couldn't process the sounds. I let out a gargled choke-like sound.
"I know how much you hate one-sided conversations, but please refrain from talking for a couple of days," she said, turning to the binder. "I also know the financial situation you and your father is in. Your insurance covers the medicine cost. You should have came to us. The attack was a bad one, Shizuka-chan. Give it a couple of weeks before you can go to school again."
Anger bubbled underneath my frozen face. I could barely breath, let alone lift my finger. Tears formed at the brim of my eyes. My body wouldn't obey me.
Fuji-sensei picked up my wallet and took out a slip of paper. She placed it in my hand. "Your mother was very beautiful, Shizuka-chan. Beat this disease for her. Tell her you can survive."
I did my best to nod. The nerves in my brain were being attacked at this second. The signals couldn't reach to my body. My body wasn't obeying me.
It wasn't until three months had passed that I was allowed to go back to school. Physiotherapy slowly helped me regain control of my body. I had re-learn how to stand, walk, read, and write for the fifth time in my life. But when the feeling came back in my fingers, they didn't have to teach me how to hold my camera. Holding the camera in my hands, I felt connected to my body again, as if my own body wasn't fighting against itself.
I had a disease called multiple sclerosis, or more commonly, MS. My own immune system was defective. It attacked a substance in my brain that made it harder for my brain to communicate with the rest of my body. There were days where my whole hand was numb, where I forgot everything that I had done just five minutes ago, and where my vision would black out for a couple of minutes to full hours.
My mother has this disease as well. Unfortunately, she lost her battle. You can die from MS, but you can also die from complications of MS. My mother wasn't the latter. Her white blood cells attacked the vagus nerve. The damage caused her to go into cardiac arrest.
With the hope of that never happening to me, I slowly walked down the halls, my camera hanging around my neck. I looked like a freak, but I didn't want to lose the one thing that gave me strength.
The first one to tackle me was Aya. She was the only one aware of my condition. "You've never been gone this long!" Aya cried out. Her eyes overflowed with tears. "Ah, what's this?"
She looked down at my leg braces. My high socks barely covered them, even so, they were big and bulky and sadly, noticeable. "I'm still not strong enough to walk by myself," I admitted, gripping the crutches. "But I didn't want to miss so much school. I'm so far behind..."
Sniffing, Aya tried her best to smile. "You're also far behind in gossip. I have lots of stuff to tell you at lunch."
Just on time, the bell rang. Students piled out of the classes into the hallway. "Have fun in English," Aya winked as she dashed off to her next class.
I stuck out my tongue at her and turned down the hallway. I could hear people whispering and staring. I looked over at a group of girls. Sympathy was written all over their faces. "Just a few days left..." one girl whispered to the other. I locked eyes with her. Suddenly she burst into tears and ran away.
Few days left until what?
I walked into the classroom. The loud chatter fell to a soft whisper. Kyoshi sat on his desk, surrounded by his friends. He took one look at me and turned back to his friends. He had dyed his hair back to black. A serious look crossed his face. They all nodded and patted his back as he stood up and walked over to me. "Ganbatte*," I could hear them mutter. My hands became sweaty. I could feel every one's stares. I could hear every one's whispers.
"Shizuka-chan," Kyoshi's lips curled into a seductive smirk. His eyes fell onto my crutches. "I've missed you."
"Same," I muttered, heat rushing to my face. My ears picked up the same words again. Only a few days left. "Kyoshi-kun, what are they talking about? Few days until what?"
Kyoshi looked stricken for a second. All traces of his smirk was gone. "U-um..." he scratched his head and looked the other way, hiding his face. "You know... Until th-the cultural festival." Then he looked at the ground. "Listen, let's hang out after school. Sensei cancelled today's club meeting."
My heart pounded. I've been waiting for two years for him to say something like this, but somehow I didn't feel all too great about it. Kyoshi was hiding something from me. The cultural festival was four months ago.
I nodded. Kyoshi looked at me and smiled hesitantly. His hand was still on his head. "See you, then."
"Miyagi-senapi is dating someone!" Aya squealed at the lunch table. She pushed her lunch tray away from her. "I'm so excited for her! Aren't you?"
"Of course," I smiled. It wasn't a surprise that she had a boyfriend, but it was rare. She was picky. "Who?"
Aya leaned in. "Kyoshi's older brother," she smirked. "He's a university student and gorgeous. The Matsumoto family must have beautiful blood flowing through their veins."
They must have high standards, that family. My chopsticks plunged into my rice. "Speaking of Kyoshi, he asked me to hang out after school today."
"Really? That's great," Aya smiled, uncertainty in her eyes.
"Aren't you happy for me?" I asked in disbelief.
"I am, I am," she said, leaning forward and grabbing my arm. "I mean, it's about time he said something." I wasn't convinced.
The rest of the day, I struggled to pay attention. There was just a few days left... Few days left. My brain tried to make the connection, but all it did was make my head hurt. I didn't know of any event that was coming up.
"Shizuka-chan," Kyoshi was waiting for me outside my class. Bags sagged under his eyes. Everyone was so unlike themselves today. "On second thought, let's go tomorrow, okay?"
My hopes dropped. "Oh, okay. I'll see you tomorrow then." I avoided his gaze.
"I'll walk you home," he grabbed my bag and smiled down at me. I returned the smile. Although his eyes were tired, his eyes were still smiling.